Frequently Asked Adoption Questions

What age are you hoping to adopt?

Zach and I are currently pursuing a domestic infant adoption. Which basically means we are seeking an expectant mother in the United States who is make an adoption plan for their un-born or just-born child.

When will you bring home a baby?

Boy do I wish I could answer that question for you. In short, we have absolutely no idea. This is such a loaded question that’s hard to answer with any amount of certainty. The national averages we’ve been seeing are anywhere between 6-18 months to be “matched” with an expectant mother. But Zach and I have identified that we are comfortable with a “Stork-drop” situation, which could mean we’d have anywhere from a week to 5 hour notice.

All that to say, it could be as soon as next week or as late as next fall and beyond. We really don’t know. And while that may send some people reeling, Zach and I are thrilled at the unknown adventure ahead of us.

What does it mean to be “matched”? Are you “matched” right now?

Basically, an expectant mother who is looking to make an adoption plan will reach out to an agency, attorney, or other resource, and that resource will help connect her with families hoping to adopt. Case workers will work on her side to help her articulate what she is looking for in an adoptive family, and then profiles of families that match what she is looking for will be shown to her. From those profiles she will usually pick a family and from there a “match” is made.

Typically, these matches happen outside of the first trimester sometimes waiting even until the third trimester depending on the agency or attorney.

We are not currently matched with an expectant mother yet.

What agency/attorney are you working with?

We are pursuing what is referred to as a “multi-agency” approach. This means, we are signing up as an active waiting family at several agencies. These are all agencies that have low up-front fees and helps give our family more exposure to be found by the right expectant mother. Each agency/attorney we have chosen has come as a personal recommendation and we have personally vetted them with a whole slew of questions.

How expensive is adoption?

I’ve struggled with the answer to this question. Short answer: it’s expensive. Long answer: There are a lot of hands in the pot in order for the adoption process to go smoothly and for everyone to have the proper amount of support. Counseling for the expectant mother, legal fees, government filing fees, counseling for the adoptive families, advertising costs, medical costs, etc. It all adds up very quickly.

On the one hand, it’s easy to get angered at how expensive it ends up being. On the other hand though, I wrestle with relief/pride knowing how expensive it is. I don’t know how to eloquently express those thoughts. But this is a human’s life we’re talking about, a life that should be protected and esteemed highly. God also paid a high price to adopt us, through his own son, Jesus. Basically, adoption always comes at a high cost in some way or another.

While it’s been a real gut-check of where I stake my priorities No joke, at one point I did have a sad pitying thought of “Well.. I guess this means we won’t be getting new carpet next year…” Before I had a real sucker-punch of a priority check moment. Someone’s life is definitely more valuable than getting new carpet that will have to be replaced again in 5 years? 10 years? (Side note… It seems I don’t actually know how often carpet needs to be replaced..) God has already shown up in so many incredible ways to put us in a position to afford it.

See how I sneakily never gave you a real answer? I wrestle with how open I want to be about financial stuff, so if my answer did not satisfy you, Google has a lot to say about this one.

“It isn’t fair that you have to work so hard to grow your family…”

I get very very passionate in answering this question or line of thinking, just ask Zach.

Quite frankly, adopting a child is not about me and it’s not about Zach. Yes, we desire to build our family and raise children.. and we have had to work a lot harder to do it than a lot of other people.. While adoption is definitely a way to build our family I just have to say again… Adoption is about providing a stable and loving home for a child who needs one. It’s not about us!

If there has been anything that has been made clearer through adoption, it’s the fact that children are not our own. Biological or not, children are a gift and ultimately we all belong to God. I believe that any child brought into our home will have been placed there by God for us to raise and take care of… not ours to possess.

It is true that infertility sucks. And going through so much pain, treatments, doctors visits, and emotional turmoil can sure negatively feed your desires and ego. It’s so easy to start to believe that “I’m entitled to have a child” “I’ve worked hard. I deserve this!” And all I’m saying is that I absolutely refuse to buy into this for myself and will not let myself go there.

Also, I love my life with Zach. Even if it were to just be Zach and I alone together forever. I’m not perfect, I’ve been on my own roller coaster centering around this for almost 2 years now. Ultimately though, life is so much more enjoyable when you’re content with where you are. This quote has stuck out to me and I’ve been clinging to it for a few months. It’s brought me so much freedom, I hope it can help you as well:

“You are allowed to hope for what’s to come,
while making the most of where you already are.”

Once I truly believed that life has tasted so much richer. The same is true for you too.. Even if you’re not thinking about kids or adoption.

*stepping off soapbox*

Why don’t you just consider foster care?

This is often a question asked by a well-meaning friend that I’ve just given an anxiety-soaked speech on finances. Because maybe my answer for how much adoption costs made me look like I’m all put together nicely and have a good head about things.. The anxiety is real. It’s expensive. While we can afford it, it’s still going to be a challenge. I’d be lying to say it doesn’t have me anxious sometimes.

Anyways…

I think foster parents are absolute rock stars that deserve a cape and a crown. For reals. Zach and I just don’t feel called to be foster parents at this time. This isn’t to say that will never change, because boy does God have a way at changing your mind and heart on things….

But for right now, foster parenting is not something we are considering or pursuing.