3 years ago I was in the thick of infertility. We’d been trying to get pregnant for over a year and were in the middle of a treatment plan with a fertility clinic over an hour away. We were also largely quiet about the struggle we were in. Our close friends and family were aware, but it was an otherwise silent battle we were enduring.
I found a dress with pineapples on it while shopping for an Easter dress and it instantly resonated with me. In a weird way, it became my silent show of solidarity and support. (Pineapples are a symbol that bears significance in the infertility community).
I resolved to wear the dress at the end of the “National Infertility Awareness Week” to church and God used the dress to show me so many things. You can read more about that here.
It came time again this past week for NIAW (National Infertility Awareness Week), and there I saw the pineapple dress still hanging in my closet. So I put it on again.
I find myself reflecting a lot lately on the subject of infertility and family building. The first few months after bringing home Katelyn had me so deep in the pits that I thought I’d never want to do that ever again. But time is a fickle thing and has a way of making you forget about some of that crazy stuff.
I’m very thankful for the surprise of my pregnancy with Katelyn. I remember sitting on the other side of this journey and thinking to myself
“When I get pregnant and give birth, all of this pain will have been worth it and will go away.”
And.. well.. While I do admit that it was all worth it. The grief of infertility didn’t go away. It was not healed through adoption and it was not healed through a spontaneous pregnancy and safe delivery. I think there will always be a part of me that grieves that season. And even now, there’s a part of me that is afraid to want it again. Because what if it never happens again? I’m afraid to let myself go down that road emotionally/mentally/physically.
So here I stand in solidarity with the 1 in 4 women who struggle with infertility. Who so desperately want a child and watch as couple after couple so easily get pregnant and start their family… or even add multiple children to their family in the amount of time that you’ve been trying for just one.
I see you.
The grief and pain never goes away. But the grief and pain can also make the good seasons taste even sweeter.
In the meantime, I cling to Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4
As we seek the Lord and seek to glorify him. May we trust that He has a plan for the desires He places in our hearts. Even if that plan requires a significant amount of pain and suffering in the process.
Growing A to Z 
Leave a comment