God has shown up in some mighty ways this past year. But despite having the head knowledge of that, from where I currently sit some times it’s hard to feel it. I say that because the story I’m about to share doesn’t really have an ending yet. Don’t get me wrong, they are crazy stories that have forced Zach and I to open our mind to what might be possible as we grow our family… but I’d be lying if I didn’t say the future has me a little scared/excited as I consider what God might have been preparing us for.
Without further ado, I hope you enjoy the story of the two potential adoption stories that basically fell into our laps this past year. This is a long one, so I hope you brought a snack and some caffeine!
In March of 2019 we had just begun our very first treatment cycle at our fertility clinic. Previously we had been seeking treatment through my GYN and this felt like taking a step to the “big leagues”. Overall we initially LOVED this new doctor and facility. This isn’t really a post about all things infertility so I’ll skip a little of some of the details here.
Relevant side information: For about 2.5 years I’ve been taking aerial classes at a local gym (think cirque du soleil). This has been a GREAT way for me to get active and make some new friends. Ever since starting to try to conceive my heart has been at war with itself. I have LOVED taking classes at Cirque Athletics, but I also realize that once I become pregnant I will have to stop… at least for a while… and then in some ways will have to start all over again build up my strength.
2 days in to our first treatment cycle I went in for a routine eye exam to have my contact prescription appointment updated.
“I’m not saying you have glaucoma.. But you are much too young for your optic nerve to look like this.. So I’d feel much better if you’d go to see a glaucoma specialist” – Eye Doctor
5 days in on our first treatment cycle at our fertility clinic, while at the gym I injured myself in the air. Which led to me finding out that I tore my right hamstring tendon from my Ischial Tuberosity (basically my hip bone for us common folk). On the one hand I was crushed, because this would keep me out of the air for a while. On the other hand, at the time, I couldn’t stop thinking: “What closure! This has to be our month! What perfect timing, I can’t be in the air anyways for a while… Baby time!!”
Meanwhile, one of my in-laws was having some excitement of their own. A few months prior, while getting her hair done, there was a pregnant woman in the salon struggling with the idea of having a baby and suggesting she might be considering an abortion. To which my SIL, proclaimed something along the lines of “Don’t abort your baby, there are so many people who would take your child. I’D even take your child”. Fast forward a few months (March) to when my SIL received a call from her hair dresser letting her know, and I’m serious, that this woman wants her address and she is planning to drop the baby off on Friday.
That very same weekend, without knowing any of what was going on at our in-laws house, Zach and I had begun test-driving and looking at mini vans. We had been leasing our CR-V and had saved up to buy a mini van (or the CR-V) with cash. We were a few months out, but wanted to start thinking through our options.
Saturday night we were told about the baby that had been dropped off at our in-laws house. “Isn’t that crazy?!” And the minute the story was shared with me I thought “You know, wouldn’t it be crazy awesome if an adoption opportunity just fell into our life. I mean, I wouldn’t say no to that..” But I kept the thought to myself…
Now it’s Sunday morning and all I can think about is this child at my in-laws house. On the way to lunch I finally shared these thoughts with Zach. The way the conversation un-folded was kind of funny. I do not make this up at all, this is exactly how it went:
Me: “Zach…. I have a crazy idea…”
Zach: “You think we should go buy that mini van today?”
Me: “Nope. Crazier… I think we should adopt that baby…”
Zach: *Long Pause* “Hmm… Okay!”
So here’s where we were at Monday morning, April 1, 2019. I had just had a doctors appointment where I was informed that I had over-responded to my medication and really needed to consider if I was comfortable with twins as a very real possibility. I could have glaucoma. My hamstring still hurt, but I didn’t know what exactly was wrong with it. And we were reaching out to our in-laws fully serious about our offer to adopt this child.
I started the day with so much hope and excitement, but by 5:00pm everything came crashing down.
“Your doctor asks that you don’t try to conceive this month, as the risk of multiples is too high and would be un-safe for both you and any future children conceived” – My doctors Office
“The grandparents are still deciding whether they would like to terminate their parental rights, and my god-brother had already stepped up to adopt the child anyways” – My Sister In Law
“You done messed me up, I’m angry so I’ll just make your whole leg feel numb!” – My Right Hamstring
“I feel normal, but you’re probably dying…” – My Eye
Okay, that last one was a bit dramatic. Also, I was never very concerned about my eye more than I was annoyed at the inconvenience of even MORE doctors appointments.
Guys.. This story is a doozie, are you still hanging in with me? Because this next layer of the story gets even crazier!
I was mad at God. I was mad at the world. I was just really mad.
“I get it, it wasn’t meant to be right now… but why my hamstring too God? Why did you have to take away my only consolation prize!? Why do I have to go to all of these doctors appointments!?”
Those were very real thoughts and very real prayers at the time.
Shortly after all of that had unfolded, we were sitting around our dinner table with our life group when our babysitter for our life group time shared that her sister had just passed away. Most distressing was the fact that her sister had been raising her grand daughter, and she didn’t know what would happen to this child. My ears perked up. But I was still mad. I threw myself into the previous opportunity hard core and it didn’t work out.
“If God is so powerful, God can work this out on his own!”
And I moved on with dinner and my life. At this point I had been wrestling with whether or not to share on social media our journey through infertility. On April 21 National Infertility Awareness Week began and I had found a super cute dress with pineapples printed all over it. For whatever reason, Pineapples have been adopted by the infertility community as a symbol to rally around. I decided that as a silent sign of support I would wear this pineapple dress to church on the following Sunday, April 28, the last day of the awareness week. This was a big deal to me.
When I got to my seat at church, 3 rows in front of me was our babysitter sitting next to a little girl I had assumed was her great-niece who happened to be wearing, you guessed it, a pineapple dress. Of all things!
“I see you God. Was that a sign? I’m still mad. If you want this to happen, you need to make this happen. I’m not saying anything.”
And I didn’t. I had not told a single soul about this situation. And then a few days later I spent the afternoon with my sister-in-law Mary Beth. While walking down the beach I shared with her the possible adoption story with the baby and then I shared with her about the little girl in the pineapple dress. That night, Mary Beth had a dream that included this little girl in the pineapple dress as a part of our family. I GRILLED Mary Beth on her dream. “What did the girl look like? What color was her dress? What color was her hair? Was her hair curly or straight?” I wanted to know how close her dream matched up, because I had not described her physical appearance at all beyond: “She wore a dress that had pineapples on it.” The next day I shared with Zach about the little girl in the pineapple dress.
“I just feel like God is preparing us for something. I have no doubt in my mind that we are supposed to adopt, and if it’s not this story… how much CRAZIER will our actual story be?”
Meanwhile, Zach and I had decided to pursue adoption.. by adopting another puppy! We had a whole long list of puppies picked out at a rescue and had been showing everyone we talked to pictures of cute puppies. We were set to go adopt our puppy on Saturday, May 19. On Wednesday, May 15, I was showing a co-worker the puppy photos for the millionth time when our receptionist came up behind me.
“Are you sure you want to adopt a puppy instead of a 6-year old little girl?”
I don’t think I’ll ever forget those words. I had only shared the pineapple dress story with Zach and my SIL Mary Beth.
“I’m sorry.. What are you talking about?” I asked, as I took a seat.
“Well, L came in just now and was asking if there was anyone in our church who might be able to take in her great-niece. And I thought of you and Zach. So are you sure you want to adopt a puppy instead of a 6-year old little girl?”
Guys. I was floored. If this wasn’t confirmation that God was making things happen, I don’t know what is.
So after getting some details, praying, and talking with many people who had more wisdom and experience than us on this matter… I called the DCF caseworker and left a detailed voice mail. And I was at complete peace with the situation. Because if God wanted this child in our home, God would make a way!
And I never heard back from the DCF caseworker. And I don’t currently know where this child is. But I have complete confidence that God is still mighty and at work in her life. God is in control of this story!
Now please hear me out, because I think there will be some who have gotten to the end of this blog post and will be unhappy with how I left things. I totally get how some people would feel I did not try hard enough to get through to the DCF caseworker. Please hear my heart, I want the absolute best for this child… for every child! I still think about her often, and occasionally look for her on the Florida Department of Children and Families website. But I am not her savior. I can’t be her savior. I still stand firmly in the confidence that God’s will will be done. I am at peace with the situation and feel like I was obedient to the steps that were shown to me to follow.
I share this story because walking through this all has really started to open my eyes to what God CAN do. And I adamantly feel like God used these situations to prepare mine and Zach’s heart for something BIG.
Will you commit to pray with me for these two children mentioned in this blog post? That God may reveal himself to them in a mighty way and God will be magnified through their lives?
Growing A to Z 
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