A lot of the questions we get about our adoption centers around the topic of “Open Adoption”. If it’s not “Why Open Adoption? it’s “What exactly is an open adoption?”
I get it.. I didn’t know really what an open adoption was until we started on this journey other than some awareness of it from watching a family on Youtube.
There is no “one-size-fits-all” answer
Open adoption looks very different from one case to the next. AND from our experience so far is something with an ever-evolving definition. Usually though at a base line level an open or semi-open adoption involves some sort of basic knowledge of who everyone is. That could involve having a face time conversation or talking on the phone. In terms on ongoing relationship, at a minimum it usually means sending pictures and updates to the agency once a year until your child turns 18. Anything beyond that is solely at the discretion of the birth parent(s) and/or adoptive parents.
In our case, so far, “open adoption” has meant we have made two trips to visit our expectant mother in person. Our expectant mother has our phone number and can call or text me at any time. This has most often translated to text conversations about once a week checking in on how life has been going.
We plan to make two more trips to visit our expectant mother before her due date to continue to get to know her and support her through this pregnancy.
At this time, she has communicated that she would like for us to be at the hospital with her during delivery and to be there immediately for the baby after delivery.
Once she signs her termination of parental rights and we take placement of the baby our relationship might take a shift but we plan to send updates in the form of pictures and letters. We have also expressed openness to the idea of a visit once a year-ish with her.
Understand that at any point this relationship could change drastically and we are still learning and exploring what “open adoption” will mean for us in our scenario.
So why open adoption?
Long story short: because research has shown that most of the time it’s the most healthy option for the adoptee.
Some talking points that go through our minds:
From our research and education in this process, a common question children wrestle with growing up, whether they were adopted or not, is the question of where they fit in the world. When combined with the complexities of the emotions that go with adoption, these feelings are even more compounded. Being able to help our child answer some of those questions is super important to us.
We want to maintain and protect the relationship with our Child’s biological family so that the door is always open for them to take on the relationship for themselves when it becomes appropriate to do so. In our mind we want to always work to ensure that that door is opened, or has been vigilantly pursued, to help lessen that burden in the future. We don’t want our child to feel like we didn’t care enough about his biological family or his relationship with his biological family. This relationship is one worth protecting.
If you have an open relationship, won’t the child feel like it’s a competition between who loves him more?
You know, adoption and open relationships in general is super messy. People are messy. We are prepared to walk that messy road together and seek professional counseling as necessary when things come up that are bigger than we can handle. Such as a child feeling like it’s a competition between his biological family and adopted family.
That being said, at this time we feel confident that Open Adoption is what is right for our family and what is right for our current adoption situation. While we want to always be open to dialogue and questions on the subject of open adoption, we remain firm on that fact.
Are there any questions about open adoption that I didn’t cover in this post? I’d love to chat more on the subject! Feel free to connect with me in the comments below 🙂
Growing A to Z 
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